Slow writing by Dylan

Slowly, went outside it was freezing my toes were frozen and my cheeks were cold.It was so cold and slipperey, I had to push the car to the top of the road.Slowly I walked into the house it was boiling inside and froze outside.The car was froze we had to get the the snow was coming down faster than a man jumping from a plane in the air.

3 thoughts on “Slow writing by Dylan

  1. You have tried to be descriptive and have written in a way that allows the reader to imagine they are there. I can feel the cold!

    Your first sentence needs punctuating a little more – either use commas to separate your clauses, or full stops to start new sentences. You have also used ‘slowly’ twice – what could you have used instead?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *