100wc

“Oh no! I’m lost”, David cried. All he had left was Leon his toy lion. He felt more happy because there was bright sunshine and the trees were bright green. He could see the slimy frogs. This was a new place to discover. There were planes in the fluffy clouds. Happily the deers chewed on they’re lovely grass. He talked to Leon to see if he had ideas to find his family. Sadly David sat down on the soggy stones. At least he found out about the nature in the world. Then in the sky a rescue helicopter came to save him.  “Yeah Im saved”!

5 thoughts on “100wc

  1. I like the way you get straight into the action Emil, and your punctuation is really improving, particularly with speech. The line ‘this was a new place to discover’ is lovely – it really sets David up to whatever he likes!

    I wonder if you could make any of your sentences a little longer by including conjunctions like and, or, so, because. Lots of your sentences are very similar in length.

    A great effort!

  2. I liked this! It was refreshingly different. I also thought you had really tried hard to express David’s feelings and this helped the reader understand him. I also loved the fact that he had his toy lion with him and was talking to it. It really emphasised the loneliness and fear he felt. Very, very good work!

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