100wc Annabel M

It was a dark night and the moon was lighting up my dark un-decorated room . I was sweating after netball practice and was looking forward to having a bath . I heard a meow and then a shout . My gingery  cat Archie ran into the room and straight under my bed . I ran downstairs and grabbed myself a lovely fresh orange from the garden . There was a mysterious moan coming from the living room . It was Sarah  . Sarah and Will were my foster pearents I was separated at birth . I was told the news Will had died in a car crash!

9 thoughts on “100wc Annabel M

  1. I like you’re story, but just a little tip for next time! It is a bit all over the place! because it went from you’re cat running under you’re bed to getting an orange then to getting told someones died in a car crash! Just next time try and keep it into one or two areas!

  2. Hi Annabel – I really like the alliteration you’ve used – mysterious moan is a very clever description. I would like to see some different punctuation in your writing next time – try putting a comma into a list of adjectives (it would be perfect in this piece of writing between dark and undecorated) or maybe asking a question (not forgetting to use a question mark, of course!).
    Keep up the hard work!

  3. Annabel,
    You’ve used some nice descriptions here: gingery, un-decorated, and fresh. It’s always interesting for the reader to “see” the story! There is quite a lot of activity in this paragraph and limiting it to just a few would be better. Good job overall on this 100WC–I hope to read your entries again! (English Teacher, Ocean City, NJ< USA)

  4. I like your 100WC My favourite bit was
    It was a dark night and the moon was lighting up my dark un-decorated room

  5. Dear Anabelle M,

    Your story was great. I like the way you used the words. But to make it better you may use complex sentences.

    From Gift

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