100wc- Ciara

Today I found out we all die and we all get hurt. When I got home today my Mum nearly killed me! I came home with a black eye and a broken arm. I got in a fight. I went to my Dads because Mum hated me. He was the same as Mum. I had nowhere to go. I lay down on a hard brown bench, suddenly the pain in my arm nearly made me scream. I strolled to my friend Jaden’s house and slept there until I had the guts to go home. When I got home I took small steps into the house. “Hi?”

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3 thoughts on “100wc- Ciara

  1. A very emotional 100wc Ciara – I’m sure there are children who experience this kind of thing in real life, and you have dealt with it in a very mature way. Good variation in the length of your sentences which adds to the pace of your writing.

    Consider the choice you make with even the smallest word – for example, ‘strolled’ suggests your character is very happy, whereas the rest of the story paints a different picture.

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  2. You have handled this serious topic in a mature way, Ciara. Your opening sentence really grabbed me and made me want to read on – well done! I agree with Mr Connor – try to explore lots of options for words which paint a picture in your writing. Say them all out loud and see which one fits the mood of your piece best.
    Keep writing!

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