Owen 100wc

Sport’s day. The sun was shining, birds chirping; everything was going my way. The first event was relay. I was the first person to run on my team to run. I just waited in – patiently for the gun to go bang and for me to run. I waited ; jumping on tip toes, ready. Sweat suddenly ran from my head, down my head. My arm instantly goes to a very uncomfortable position. The man aimed the gun in the air.

We were off. I was running at full speed. I got tired. Suddenly the pain in my arm weakened me. I fell. my team was very angry.

4 thoughts on “Owen 100wc

  1. The build up to this story is wonderful Owen – you have used your emotions to set the scene really well. I am also very impressed with your use of punctuation.

    Perhaps the ending could have been more dramatic – rather than simply saying that your team were angry, you could have described the pain a little more, or the thoughts that were going through your head as the pain struck.

    • It was a tough challenge because there was lots of ideas in mind but there was surprise to be only 100 words. This stopped my from adding extra detail.

  2. You have developed a great flow to your sentences, Owen, mixing in shorter sentences for effect – it sounds great!
    You could reread your piece and check for consistency in tenses – this will give it even more impact.
    Keep writing!

    Ruth Tromans

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