100 wc Sneha

The crash

I tried to move away but it happened so quick .   Where did that bike come from?  First I was happily  walking on the payment to lilly’s house, next I’m  on the ground Screaming in agony  with pain.   Suddenly the pain in my arm got worst.  I couldn’t bare it, it was like my arm was burnt to death. I looked around the bike was gone, nobody was there as I  was trying to get up. I saw my friend Lilly striding towards me.  My head started to spin, I felt sick like a washing machine. Just then I felt somebody lifting me up it was Lilly.

 

2 thoughts on “100 wc Sneha

  1. This is like a mystery story. First you got hurt by a bike, then it’s missing and also no people are around.
    Very good 100wc

  2. I agree with Niamh – this is a very strong 100wc. You have continued to show a huge improvement in your use of punctuation – I also liked your use of a rhetorical question to pull your reader in.

    I wonder if the ending could be slightly improved – rather than telling the reader who picked you up, perhaps you could describe how you felt at this point.

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