100wc

I was on my scooter and all of a sudden I heard a dreadful sound and I started to feel nervous.I started to go faster and faster I felt that someone was watching me.I looked at the back of me and I saw a person chasing me I shouted help someone help me please some ones trying to shoot me!.Ow he shot me in the arm I must get home now.I made it Dad dad help me some ones shot me Dad.What did he look like he had a black coat with a black hood did he now I will call the police.

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5 thoughts on “100wc

  1. I like the way you have ended in a cliffhanger and left the reader thinking about what will happen next.

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  2. The build-up in your 100wc is excellent Aidan. It is paced very quickly and it is clear there is a lot happening.

    You need to make sure the quality of your first two or three sentences continue all the way through – the ending is quite confusing as you have not used speech punctuation to show who is speaking.

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  3. Aidan a great short story that captured my interest as I loved the “dreadful sound” vocabulary.

    You lost some punctuation in the middle part and this did make things harder to read than it needed to be. Remember that full stops and commas make things easier to read. Try reading it out loud and you’ll see what I mean.

    Glad you phoned the Police in the end.

    Mr Gilchrist

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