5 thoughts on “Our 100WC

  1. Hello Lucy and Dylan,

    I liked your description of the fountain in your opening sentence. Using a simile added to the scene you created. I have tried to photograph the play of light on water, especially when it is like a diamond was hiding in the water. Well done. 🙂

    I see Niamh suggested your first sentence might have been a little long. While I think your first sentence works well as it is, here is how it might have been written as two sentences…
    One beautiful day a boy called Elvis went outside to have a picnic. The ochre sun was glinting on the fountain making it look like a diamond was hiding in the water. What wonderful words!

    Luke suggested you might have made an error in tense. He is correct in his suggestion. I have often made the same mistake when writing. It’s so easy to do when we are keen to share our writing. 🙂

    I hope you keep entering the 100WC and Elvis is able to get another burger. 🙂

    Ross Mannell
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

  2. Hello Lucy and Dylan,
    When a writer can paint a picture with words, the writing truly comes alive for the reader. You have done just this with your lovely description of the light on the water of the fountain, and your description of the veined leaves. Poor Elvis lost his burger, but at least he was able to enjoy a lovely environment for his special picnic. Very nice job.

    Barbara McFall (Team 100WC)
    The Phoenix School, Salem, MA USA

  3. I like the description diamonds were hiding in the water could you start it with a differently? e.g adverb, verb, adjective. 🙂

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